Emotional Regulation Isn't For The Weak: A Bedtime Journal

May 11

4 min read

Sound Familiar?

Tonight, my two-year-old is fighting sleep. He’s been fighting bedtime all week. He refuses naps too, so we’ve been substituting midday quiet time. Now, it’s an hour and a half past bedtime, and we’re still caught in the bedtime struggle.

I’ve thought—more than once—about yelling, spanking, even holding him down until he’s too exhausted to fight anymore and finally passes out.

But instead, I’ve been trying to stay mindful, calm, and consistent. I’ve been trying to see this from his perspective.

Today, he broke his bed. So tonight, he’s sleeping on a makeshift setup: my big fluffy folded blanket, plus his usual cuddle blanket, pillow, stuffed animal, and water. It’s unfamiliar. It makes sense that he’s unsettled.

Navigating Frustration

Still, the frustration built up. The anger over his “non-compliance” rose in my chest, and I felt my neck tighten. I breathed in deeply. Then out. It helped—until it didn’t. Breathwork only goes so far. When it stopped working, I knew I needed to try something else.

I reminded myself: Tonight is just tonight—not the past five nights. He’s not in his normal bed. He’s probably feeling displaced too.

Breaking Out The Parenting Toolbox

So I cycled through every mindful parenting tool I’ve learned. Breathing. Reframing. Staying physically present. And when that didn’t work, we tried one of our tried-and-true nervous system resets—our game called “Throw the Baby.” I know, it sounds harsh, but it’s gentle and silly and something we both love. I line the bed with pillows, lift him up, whisper “Throw the baby,” and gently toss him onto the pile. He laughs, I laugh. It reconnects us, gets the sillies out, and brings us both back to center.

After that came the real work: the repeated redirection. I laid next to him for a while. When he asked for toys, I told him, “Lightning McQueen is sleeping.” I went back to deep breathing and running through mindfulness tricks—but the anger rose again.

I realized that lying next to him, repeating “lay down,” pleading with him to let me rub his back, whispering “just close your eyes” and offering snuggles—none of it was working. So, I disengaged.

I removed myself from his bedside and sat nearby—relaxed, but upright and alert—so when he got up, I could quietly return him to bed without a word. Just calm, consistent physical movement—something I learned from the Positive Discipline books.

Being Mindful With Mantras

Internally, I kept repeating to myself:

He’s less capable than you are at self-regulation—and you’re about to lose yours. Just breathe. It’s okay. He’s allowed to feel out of place.

Yelling teaches him yelling is how to handle frustration. Breathing teaches him how to manage it constructively.

Patience is a practice. It’s okay to feel frustrated.

Strangely, once I stopped engaging emotionally—no empathy, no frustration, just quiet redirection—he began to settle.

Recognizing Patterns and Seeking Solutions

That’s when I noticed I had started dissociating. Apparently, that’s still my fallback pattern. It’s how I survived postpartum. I felt blank—like I was on antidepressants that numb everything, good and bad. I wasn’t sighing as I stood up. I didn’t speak. Honestly, I didn’t even look at him. I judged myself harshly for that—for the version of me back then, and for the one sitting in it now. How could I be so disconnected from my own child?

And that’s when I decided to start writing this.

Journaling is another tool I picked up during my postpartum healing.

Back then, I hated myself for being stuck in a constant state of dissociation. It was like a light switch: the second he cried, I either went instantly numb or instantly enraged—and I had to manage both while still responding to his needs. Numbness felt less destructive. Journaling is what helped me accept those truths, process each moment, and make space for how I really felt. So, here we are.

Since I started writing, I’ve had to get up maybe six times to redirect him. Now, it’s been about 15 minutes, and he’s been asleep for at least five—snoring and everything.

I wonder: would things have gone smoother if I’d grey-rocked him from the start? Maybe dissociation isn’t all bad—at least not when it’s intentional, with a purpose.

His new bed doesn’t arrive until Wednesday. I know we’ll be doing this again tomorrow.

One last thing I picked up in therapy—especially for crisis moments—is the power of planning ahead. So here we go, real-time:

Tomorrow, after dinner, we’ll stick to our usual bedtime routine. No screens. Bathrobe. Teeth brushing. Books. Then, Throw the Baby and grey rock that baby.

Emotional regulation isn’t for the weak. I am exhausted.

Skillshare

I used so many Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skills tonight and even though I've been using these skills over the last two years, it's not always second nature. I really had to dig deep to put these into Ptactice. My postpartum support international mentor and postpartum therapist would be so proud. But you know what else, I'm proud. Tonight could have been much different. Here’s a breakdown of what I practiced, and how it showed up:

1. Mindfulness

I noticed my feelings rising. I paused. I returned to the breath. I reminded myself, this is hard, but I can stay here in it.

https://youtu.be/oYdrMpnE93s?si=_txm2GacknDfL6jd

2. Distress Tolerance

I didn’t lash out. I didn’t yell. I chose silence and calm movement, even while feeling the frustration boil inside. I chose to be physical and reset our nervous systems. https://youtu.be/UuvH_j9O0f4?si=Pqt7AxdsrSjN6RG3

3. Radical Acceptance

I accepted the situation for what it was—not what I wished it would be. He wasn’t going to settle with snuggles. I had to let that go.

https://youtu.be/vwNnG7mIu1E?si=TNvPsBPGtZWF3bM0

4. Opposite Action

Instead of reacting with emotion, I responded with calm behavior. I did the opposite of what my gut reaction wanted.

https://youtu.be/fDWn-cqKKrg?si=AUKO-K2Nb7bElWBP

5. Check the Facts

He’s a toddler. He’s dysregulated. He’s not doing this to me. He’s learning, just like I am.

https://youtu.be/MMIJZzxOIxY?si=_DalNaEdWbNK29iF

6. Building Mastery & Planning Ahead

I planned tomorrow’s routine to reduce future stress. I reminded myself that I can do hard things and that I’ve done it before.

https://youtu.be/pi5WCiM5HBM?si=vRoMnOhMvvxpgGjd