About
The Full Story
At Wild Wonders we care for the whole person. Not just the baby. A happy baby starts with a happy, healthy parent.
As a Postpartum mood disorder survivor, and trained doula, You are in empathetic and skilled hands.
In 2011 I was diagnosed with PCOS, and was told I would never conceive a child. I didn't let the diagnosis stop me. I would be a foster mom, if I couldn't be a biological one! In 4 years, my husband and I fostered 14 kiddos from all age ranges and walks of life. Five years after my foster journey ended, surprise! My baby, Bodhi, was conceived. I was shocked, nervous, and excited. I would finally be a momma. ❤️ 💙 💜
I felt so sure of my ability to be a mom. Afterall I already 'had' 14 kids!
False, so freaking false.
Yes, I was prepared for sleepless nights, never ending feed-change-cry cycles. I even knew I would experience postpartum depression and anxiety as I have experienced both disorders previously.
I had no idea about the mental load your own babies' cries carry. The challenge it is to not be able to soothe my baby. To feel like a failure for not being super woman. What kind of standard is that anyway? Dang man.
I didn't know there were different levels of depression. I didn’t know I would experience the deepest depression of my life along with OCD, anxiety, and rage; all postpartum specific. I couldn't figure out why I hated my baby, why I had such revolting thoughts and visions about him and, why after grieving the loss of my foster care journey, I finally got exactly what I wanted and now all I feel is the strongest urge to escape this life in ANY way possible.
I lacked knowledgeable support for the first several months and was told "its just postpartum, it'll pass", "It's normal".
Hindsight really is 20-20. I know that if I had sought a postpartum therapist, support groups, and education beyond Dr. Google, and really took care of my needs, my suffering would have been significantly less. If I had someone by my side helping me get services, I would have followed through with getting help a lot sooner. In the first few months my brain just wasn’t online. True survival mode is an experience most don’t understand until they experience It for themselves.
I would not have wished those first 6 months on an enemy. The self loathing I felt due to all the other things going on was its own beast to wrestle with. These feelings and thoughts are NOT normal. They are however, common. We are not mom-sters. You will not become a mom-ster. Having support is shown to increase positive outcomes. I want that for every birthing person.
As a survivor, it is my personal mission to help you survive this too. Thus Wild Wonders Doula Services was born.